Lessons Learned- Friendships and a Support System

I'm sure we've all had our share of experiences/friendships that have left us hurt.  In theory, we can learn from those experiences as we continue to grow, though it's not always the easiest thing.  I've had a number of experiences that have left me alone and hurt, but it's what I've learned from them, and from myself, that has led to the great friends and support system I have today, and that support system has been instrumental in helping me to continue fighting.

One of the hardest experiences was when someone, who I thought was one of my best friends, basically threw me in the dirt.  One day I received a message (back when AOL Instant Messaging was big) from an unknown username saying that I was a waste of space, waste of air, I was disgusting, didn't deserve to live etc etc etc.  It wasn't until a little while later that I discovered it was from my so-called best friend.  Not only that, but I discovered that she and another friend of hers were continually saying really awful things about me behind my back.  When I confronted her about it, she lied to me.  She has since apologized and we're on speaking terms, but it's hard to take the 'friendship' seriously because I question everything she says to me.

A few years later, I had a really close group of friends from work.  We were around each other all the time and always working together, it's not surprising we became close.  Unfortunately, those friendships didn't last too long after we weren't working together anymore.  Looking back, a couple of those friendships weren't the best.  Some of them would purposely do things that they knew upset me to see how close they could get me to breaking down, or how fast they could get me to break down.  I had such low self-esteem that I didn't even care, I thought they were my friends and I wouldn't have done anything for them.  

Another experience that really influenced me was my friendship with a girl throughout middle school and part of high school.  She was my absolute best friend.  Sometime during high school, we had some sort of falling out (to be honest, I don't even remember what it was about.)   Several years later, we somehow reconnected and have become very close again.  We both work weird schedules, and she lives over an hour away, so sometimes we don't get to talk very often, but we have the kind of friendship where even though we don't get to talk a whole lot, if one of us ever needs anything, the other one is just a phone call or text away.  I'm really grateful to have her in my life :-)

There have been some other experiences, but obviously I'm not going to sit here and list every single friendship I've ever had, but I've learned a lot through all of these.  In addition to that, I've learned that one of the best things in trying to fight depression, is having a great support system/friends.  I'm incredibly lucky with the friends I have now.  I have a small number of very close friends, and a handful others, all that I love dearly.  My two best friends in particular (one of whom I'm lucky enough to get to have as a roommate as well) have gotten me through a lot of stuff, and I'm so grateful for their support.  

Something I started to put together a long time ago is this little "folder" (pictured below).  I have filled it with letters and cards and things that those around me have given me that make me smile, make me feel good, and help to remind me that someone cares/loves me.  It's almost always in my bag, or stuck in my journal at home, but it's been a great comfort in a lot of hard moments/nights.